How to Save Your Marriage
Almost every married couple has to face marital problems. Many are about to divorce. Invest time now and learn how to save your marriage after separation or even divorce.
The conversation at the kitchen table spent over an hour as the couple described with tears in his eyes, the mangled remains of what was once a marriage.
No major incident had broken their relationship. Instead, they had experienced a number of offenses and injuries they had created more and more tension and had walked away completely. The relationship had disintegrated to the extent that civilized discussions were few and far between. It seemed that his marriage had passed into history.
Tragically, millions of couples annually, a similar scenario repeated again and again. Several investigators have reported that half of the marriages eventually end in divorce. Marriage is not designed for this and is not what the Creator wants us to pass.
Marriage is a blessing from God
The Bible describes marriage as a special relationship between a man and a woman who must be cared for and valued. “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtain’s favor of the Lord,” Solomon wrote to his son (Proverbs 18:22). God describes marriage as a wonderful relationship that we seek. It’s a blessing from God!
Solomon wrote in Proverbs 5:18 “Blessed be thy fountain, and rejoice with the wife of your youth.” The marriage relationship should be a relationship which one can gain strength, comfort, encouragement, happiness and joy. This does not mean never experience trials and obstacles, but God wants the husband and wife come together and work together to face their challenges shoulder to shoulder. When they work as a team at all times to build, develop and provide for the family, they can look back and look forward to making even after the husband or wife of youth has been with them for 30, 40, 50 or more years!
If your marriage seems to stagger or even heading for the precipice of divorce, you must take concrete steps to save your marriage. While no one can guarantee, there are things you can do to give your marriage the best chance to succeed.
Commitment is the key
Ask yourself, first of all, you are 100% committed to your marriage? Real life is not what we show Hollywood movies, and the problems are not resolved within 30 minutes that lasts a television program. A good marriage requires diligent work of both spouses. You must be fully committed to your marriage if you want to save.
Commitment to anything in life has a profound impact on their thoughts and actions. If a child dreams of becoming Olympic ice skater, you must commit to many years of training and practice. The commitment to this goal inspires the young skater to make sacrifices. Virtually everything he does is focused on that goal, from getting up at 5am to go to practice, to follow a schedule and strict diet, not doing many activities young people enjoy. The commitment requires practice, learn new figures, traveling to meet and advance skills on the ice, with the goal of becoming the best in the world.
In a similar way, the commitment to marriage will make a couple is willing to make the sacrifices necessary to bring the marriage to a firm and solid ground. This means leaving behind their desires and wills if they interfere with your marriage because you are committed; you value your relationship more than anything else in his life. Do you have this level of commitment? Are you dedicated to finding how to save your marriage?
Pray for your spouse
Since God is the one who designed marriage in the first instance, it would be logical that we should seek wisdom and guidance from Him when we realize that our marriage is not what it should be. But it’s amazing how many times we overlook this powerful tool.
King Hezekiah left us an example when he faced a huge problem that did not know what to do in this case, the threat of an enemy. Hezekiah received the threatening letter he received and spread it before God, explaining the problem and asking for wisdom and help (Isaiah 37: 14-20).
You can follow this example and bring their marital problems to God, bring them before him and ask for his guidance and wisdom to know how to save your marriage.
After exposing the problem and their perceptions before God in prayer, devote specific time to pray specifically for your spouse. Note the difference: pray for your spouse, instead of praying about the problems of your spouse. Spend time asking God to help and bless your spouse, thanking him for having brought to his life. Not only God can answer his prayer with blessings and good things for your spouse, but the very act of praying for it can have a positive effect on you as well.
If you are committed to finding how to save your marriage, make part of your daily routine praying for your spouse.
Generally, marital problems do not happen overnight. Perhaps a number of offenses and injuries, perhaps without any malicious intent or premeditation, has created a barrier between you that now seems impenetrable. Such barriers are usually created by the lack of attention and care, combined with our innately selfish human nature.
Or perhaps a traumatic incident as an affair has occurred out of nowhere. However, unexpected events like this do not occur spontaneously. While adultery is reprehensible and destructive, research shows that people often are tempted by hurt feelings, harsh words, and feelings of isolation or not being valued, eroding trust and the bond of love of the marriage relationship .
(Note: recognize the old problems is not an excuse for sin in Matthew 19:.. 9 Jesus specifically allowed divorce in cases of “sexual immorality” but he did not demand a divorce If you are reading this, it seems that it is committed to finding how to save your marriage and to make understanding of these problems requires old data).
The point is that the problems do not generally originate from the overnight, nor can be solved in this way. We must be realistic and understand that a good long conversation on a weekend retreat will not make them go away problems that have needed many years to appear.
Again, your commitment to your marriage may be able to be tested and reveal how much patience you have. You must be patient with your spouse, and must also be patient with yourself. The change may not come quickly or easily, and two people rarely change at the same speed, but you must be patient and continue doing their part. Remember, you are working with the problems with the goal of restoring stability and happiness to your marriage.
Seek wise counsel
None of us can be clearly and objectively the way it may be necessary to solve serious problems in marriage. You may need to seek advice and help from others to discover how to save your marriage, but be cautious about what you decide to reveal and who choose to do so.
In difficult times, it is essential to have emotional support, but it is natural to try to find people who support us and defend our position. Are we willing to seek the advice of true friends those who are not only positive and entertainers, but those who “say things clearly”? In other words, a true friend will be honest and tell you that you could change and improve the relationship as well.
Ignore those who advise letting him or her lose their marriage. Remember, you are committed to saving your marriage!
It is also wise not to discuss the intimate details of marital problems, especially those related to infidelity. Specific details often become fertile ground for gossip, making your spouse the spotlight. This kind of conversations not only hurt you and your marriage but also can make it harder for your marriage to succeed. When private details begin to circulate, not only will the original problem but will also have to face the negative weight of the traditional counselors or the opinion of others.
It is also wise to be very careful about trusting the intimate details, or seek solace in, people of the opposite sex. People who are injured emotionally tend to be more vulnerable than they think. What we need is the support and encouragement to become another affair.
Seek the wisdom of trained counselors. Shepherds and wise counselors can give you a better perspective of yourself and how to save your marriage. They can guide you through the process of healing and restoration of love and trust in marriage. They can be there if you feel faint and can help you have realistic expectations of you and your spouse.
Learning from the past
Someone once said that the definition of insanity is repeating the same thing over and over again hoping for different results. As you progress in restoring your marriage, be sure to recognize the lessons they are learning in order not to repeat them. It is right and proper and apologize sincerely apologize for rude and harsh words and thoughtless actions. But it is also important to assess how, when and why we acted that way and take steps to change.
Again, prepared a pastor or counselor can be of great help to you. A third person, neutral and wise, can pinpoint areas that you may not recognize and can give you techniques to change. He can help you understand the signals that you have overlooked or ways in which you are failing to recognize the needs of your spouse and therefore not being met. These important lessons should be learned and practiced from now on.
God hates divorce
The great Creator of marriage clearly tells us in Malachi 2:16, that He hates divorce. He never intended that humans were married, then get hurt to the point that marriage is dissolved and the family disintegrates.
He wants you to be happy and want to have a loving, solid and stable marriage. Contrary to the sad experience of millions of people, this kind of marriage, yes it is possible! It’s not easy, but if both are willing to commit to the other and the marriage is possible.
Commitment, prayer, patience, wise counsel and willingness to learn from the past and change, are firm and solid to help you save your marriage steps.
The Problem of Listening to Your Heart
What is Marriage?
How Great Marriages Work
The Gift of Sex